Checking In - July!

OK - time to check in.  As regular readers know, at the start of this year, I set five goals for myself, with the intention of making 2014 a true "makeover year" and I post these "check ins" once a month (generally on the very last day of the month or the very first day of the month) to both show how things are going and to keep myself accountable for these goals I set.  And make no mistake, these were some LARGE goals. The road hasn't always been smooth, but looking back, I can see progress, often in some unexpected ways. So - the goals were:

1. Believing that a sense of calm would come from a neater house, I wanted to get organized and stop doing "crisis cleaning" on the weekends. FlyLady had helped me get rid of (maybe literally) a ton of clutter, so I decided to take that system a little deeper and add "zone cleaning."
2. Money's tight, but I wanted to stop using credit cards and live frugally, with the idea of whittling away at the household debt.
3. I decided to watch 24 "good movies" that I really should have already seen, from a variety of genres, ranging from foreign classics to comedies.
4. I wanted to read six "good books" that had slipped by me.
5. I wanted to feel stronger, so I decided to train to participate in a 5K race this year. Thus, the "Dancing Sloth" was born.

Whew! Taken all at once, these goals were intimidating. But I've stuck to it (mostly) and can report the following as we head into the "dog days" of August:

July was interesting, since I was back in the classroom with my summer school classes. They're fun classes (at least I think so) and they went well, but boy howdy! do they take time. (I had two sections to teach, each of which met for three days a week for  just over three hours a session - yike!) Now that FryDaddy is home from graduate school for good, we're working through our "delayed honeymoon" period, which is an occasion for much YAY! but it also means we've been sorting through things that most couples would have sorted out at the beginning of the marriage. One thing I can thoroughly recommend for those in such situations (although I think this might be a good general rule) is to schedule "date time." We've been doing that, but we took it to a new level today and made all of today "date day" and it's been just lovely. We ran on our own schedules, ate out so no one had to cook or clean, saw a matinee (we chose Guardians of the Galaxy, which we loved, but pick whatever suits you), and took advantage of a rainy, unseasonably-cold day to lounge and snooze. It doesn't really matter what you do, it matters that you make time to do it together.

1. As to the housework routines, we're nearly there. I have a few things I do every morning and a few things in the evening to get things ready for the next day, pretty much without fail. I'm working to add just 15 minutes to that on the weekdays, usually just after I get home. I spend those few minutes in the "zone room" for that week, using the FlyLady "daily mission" and zone checklist for that day as a starting point. Hey - the living room windows got cleaned this week, which has to count for something!
2. We're back on the budget horse this month, making a strict budget using the Dave Ramsey system. (Yeah, he shoots his mouth off about the poor and makes some downright dumb statements, but his "debt snowball" system is sound. Take what works, leave the rest.) We'd used it before, but we were running off two budgets, since FryDaddy was at school and I was here. Now we're consolidated, which should make things easier. Fewer meals out, though - that's for sure!
3. The movie challenge -  I marked one off my list in July; the amazing classic Western The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. If you haven't seen this one - even if you're not a fan of Westerns - you owe it to yourself to see it. Incredible performances from Jimmy Stewart and John Wayne and a story that'll just yank you in.
4. The book challenge - well, I picked heavy books for that list and I sort of fell into a crevasse about it. I've been reading (I actually finished five books this month, all nonfiction, ranging from a short series of vignettes about women explorers to a fascinating examination of the origin on modern forensic science), and I'm determined to start Faulkner's Light in August since it's, well, August. Check back in a few weeks to see how I'm doing on that.
5. As for the 5K challenge - I've had surgery to clear my airway (read about that in my previous post) and am back to running. A good thing, since I agreed with a friend - we'll call her "Bawlmer Hon" here at the Nest - to participate in next summer's Ramblin' Rose mini-triathlon. It'll be a hoot getting ready for that, let me tell you!

Huh. Looking back, I'd say it's been a good month. It hasn't always felt like that (surgery, school, chores, uncertainty), which is why these posts matter. There are days that are great, days that are good, and some days that are pretty much meh. The trick is to look at the overall pattern.

And hey - it's still summer!  Go enjoy it!

Not Even An Isthmus

In one of his most famous poems, John Donne claimed that "no man is an island" and he was right. No matter how independent you may think yourself to be - and independence is a good quality - we are social creatures and we need other people. I've had some time to reflect on this over the last few days and I am even more convinced now that this is so.

Earlier this week I had some minor surgery done. Doctors aren't entirely sure why I have scar tissue in my windpipe (probably some sort of reflux, but tests weren't conclusive), but there it is. Scar tissue can be cut away, but it always grows back and as it grows, my airway narrows and my breathing is affected. I also start to cough a lot to clear away junk that most of us don't think twice about - a healthy windpipe has teensy hair-like structures to help propel phlegm and crud up and out whereas scar tissue is smooth and those structures are absent. Exercise exertion seems to both help and serve as a canary in this coal mine, so we keep an eye on things through an uncomfortable scope procedure that I'm very grateful for, and every few years (it had been three years since the last time; six weeks since the most recent scoping), I have to get my trachea "rotor-rootered." It's not fun, but it's pretty routine and low-key. Still - general anesthesia is not a joke, although I try to yuk it up as they get me ready. I was first diagnosed at Baptist Hospital (now called Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, but it's still "Baptist" to most North Carolinians) and I continue to go there for treatment. Yeah, it's a little out of the way from where I live now, but it's a top-notch teaching hospital and I make my living talking and teaching other people how to talk, so I'll keep going there thankyouverymuch.

Recovery from this procedure isn't too bad - everything is done with lasers, not scalpels, so there's very little blood or discharge - but I'm tired, sore, and achy for a few days and can't really do too much for myself for the first day and a half. (Interesting facts to support this point - anesthesia can make you super-cold and shivery for the first several hours post-discharge, the compression thingies they put on your legs to prevent clots can make your calves sore to the point of making walking uncomfortable for the first two days and your innards are likely to be strangely out of whack for two to three days.) While you're not covered up in bandages and bruises and stitches, your body's gone through some trauma and you're not exactly Little Miss Marathon.

Enter other people. Oh, let me explain just how much NOT an island I've been the last few days, for there is nothing (emphasize that - nothing) like being sick to make you appreciate other people. I can't list all the kindnesses I've received over the last five days or so, but let me try to capture the flavor of compassion.

1. My surgeon cuts on Thursdays, so I had to miss a day of my turbo-speed summer school class. Far from celebrating "woo-hoo, teacher's gone!" my summer class made me a "get well" card on the sly to give me before I left for surgery last week. Totally spontaneous and heartfelt and I made sure it was propped on the dresser top so I could see it from the bed. 
2. My parents went full-out Florence Nightingale for me. Every food that I even thought might be tasty they had in full supply. I go whole-hog Southern for my comfort food, so I've been consuming pimento cheese by the tubful and sweet tea by the half-gallon.
3. My parents live in a century-old farmhouse, obviously built before air conditioning. The rooms are gracious, airy, and peaceful. I loved sitting on the breakfast porch and just watching the antics at the bird feeder. Plus, one night a doe came up out of the woods to graze in the pasture. Best kind of reality TV.
4. Ensley tore up the road between our home and my childhood home, tending to our sick kitty (she's on antibiotics and won't come out for just anybody) then coming up to make sure I wasn't pushing things too hard the first few days.
5. Having a little in my iTunes account to treat myself to gemstones in "Midnight Castle," a found-object game I spent a lot of time playing over the last couple of days. (Anybody playing that - friend me!)
6. My minister - who's brand-new herself in town - kept up with me through social media and made sure to relay support and kind words.
7. Friends.  Oh, friends. Neighbors who offered to look after the critters, Facebook friends from close by and across borders and oceans - I had dozens and dozens of people checking in on me, wanting to know if I was okay, if there was anything I needed. It feels good to know that I'm connected like this, not just drifting on the air currents like a discarded grocery bag.
8. Being well enough to drive home, but still not have to do anything. Yes, there will be work tomorrow and errands and all the things that come with modern First World life and I'll be better suited to face them following three solid days of rest.

It's true - I'm not an island. I'm not even an peninsula or an isthmus. And what a wonderful thing that is. Think of it this way - you know who's truly independent? The poor schmo you see leaving the hospital in a cab. He can't drive himself and there's no one to pick him up, take him home, and get him settled, much less check in on him to make sure he's comfortable post-surgery. That's not independent; that's just sad.

Thanks to all who made sure I knew I wasn't an island.

Shh! The Secret Plan Hollywood Doesn't Want You to Know About!

 Like many women, I have occasionally fallen prey to splashy headlines that promise maximum results for minimum effort.  The chirpy vow of "Lose 2 Sizes in 5 Days!" has caused my hand to stretch out almost without conscious effort more than once.  Not just dieting headlines, either - "Organize Instantly!" and "Just Exercise 5 Minutes a Day!" also draw my attention.

Well, it's a bad habit.  A nasty, ugly, bad habit and it stops today.

There are a lot of things I want to change and in the past, I've tried to change them all at once, without bothering to figure out why I do some of the wacky things I do in the first place.  See, I tend to overdo, which (in my case, anyway) leads to an inevitable crash and burn cycle.  Give me strict dietary rules and I'll follow 'em like a lab rat - until I get desperately tired of hot water with lemon before I've washed my face.  So I skip the green tea one morning and go straight for the dollar store candy.  Or I feel a vague sense of "am I kidding me?" at sneaking baby carrots into the movie theater and go for the blue raspberry slushie.  (Seriously - "blue raspberry"?  What is that, exactly?)  Or I miss a "run day" and feel like a slightly more stylish version of Jabba the Hutt.  Or I fail to pick up the kitchen counter one evening and feel like the whole house is due to be condemned by the Board of Health.  And I feel large, unwieldy, unworthy, and sad.

In the last few weeks, I've slowed down enough to take a good look around.  Here's a sampling of the things I found out.

• I stress eat.  And not salads.  I can do something about that.
• I'm not very good at this running stuff. I can do something about that.
• A house is messy when someone moves back into it.  I can do something about that.
• Working too hard for too long will lead to Bad Things and yes, I can do something about that.
• Good relationships don't keep score about who folded the laundry and I can definitely do something about that.

What to me is an epiphany is often to other people a moment of, "Well, yeah."  By demanding that I simultaneously excel in all aspects of my life, I've set myself up to fail at just about all of them. Blasted perfectionism - I thought you and I had had a talk about that, but no.  I bought in to the glossy magazine pictures, forgetting that Photoshop has a lot to do with those pictures and stylists have a lot to do with the rest.  In short, it seems that I've been as crazy as a rat in a coffee can.

So here's my headline - I'm calling this my WILD NEW SUMMER PLAN to Energize Your Life, Love Yourself, Look Great (and Have your House Look Great, Too!)

Really, the whole thing can all be summed up as ENJOY MORE! but in keeping with the whole glossy magazine, self-help thingie, here's my simple 10-step plan to get there:

• Drink more plain ol' water, but remember that a Diet Coke twice a week or so isn't criminal.
• Eat more foods that haven't been processed to the point of being unrecognizable, but it's okay to have that mini-bagel as part of breakfast.  In other words, don't throw out edible food just due to the presence of white flour, but buy better next time.
• Cut out the crap candy and enjoy - just a little! - really good dark chocolate.
• Run anyway.  Sure, my goal of a 40 minute 5K is a small one, but that doesn't mean it's not worth reaching.
• Mark something off the "take care of the house" list five days a week even if it's just flicking the feather duster around while boogie-ing to Earth, Wind & Fire.  Yes, it'll make the cats run and hide, but that's really their problem, isn't it?
• No one's calling Hoarders about the dust bunnies.
• I'm a full-growed woman, which means I have curves and yes, sags.  Ignore the scale and remember that the only "hotness" reading that ought to matter to me comes from FryDaddy, who thinks I'm pretty gosh-darned keen. Just as well - I'd probably break a 20-year-old, anyway.  So fragile.
• Speaking of FryDaddy - he's moved home, so why not enjoy having him there? Checking work e-mails with my morning coffee isn't a good way to start the day, so stop it.
• When I'm berating myself for not measuring up to whatever wackadoodle standard I'm trying to use, stop and ask myself, "Would I let some stranger talk to my best friend that way?" If the answer is "no," then I need to stop talking to myself like that.
• Spend some time every morning and every evening just being still.  I've got more than the average amount of gifts in my life to be grateful for, and it's polite to pay attention.

Will this plan make me a Zen lama in a kickin' bikini?  Nope.  (Funny mental image, though.)  But I'm starting to really believe that being Real might just be better.

So How Was It?

Unwinding 2013's Watch!

Yes, it's the obligatory "year end" post.  It's been interesting to post every month and see how the journey toward my goals progressed.  I won't recap everything, but overall, I'm very pleased.  I'm exercising more, drinking more water, and my house is neater with less stress.  While things weren't without their glitches, I try to remember that this is a long road and pit stops and course corrections are part of the trip.  I think it was a good year and I'm excited about 2014 - I'll post about those goals once it's actually 2014; no need to risk jinxing things.

In December, I set the goal of trying something new every single day.  This turned out to be a lot of fun and I enjoyed sharing my "something new" with Facebook friends, who were incredibly supportive of my attempts.  (In fact, this challenge gave me two of my ideas for 2014!)  When I look back over the past thirty days, I noticed how many of my "something news" involved food in one way or another.  Let's see:

• Day 1 - I went to my hometown's annual Christmas tree lighting.  Friends, merriment, and carols.  No food.  This was a trend that would not last.
• Day 2 - Tried scallops.  Didn't work too well, but I tried.
• Day 3 - Had a Black Forest smoothie for breakfast.  Yum!  OK, I'm going to work the food angle now.
• Day 4 - Tried gourmet hot chocolate with cinnamon.  Again with the yum.
• Day 5 - Had snacks at the campus bookstore for Faculty/Staff Appreciation Day and bought a ridiculously on-sale sweatshirt.
• Day 6 - Cooked a comfort dinner and used the good china and crystal just for me.
• Day 7 - Tried hot jasmine tea.  (See, only a week in and almost everything is food-related!)
• Day 8 - Tried a Thai dish called "drunken noodle."
• Day 9 - Bought a springform pan with the notion of making a "from scratch" cheesecake.
• Day 10 - Made and tried instant cafe mocha.  Serious yum!
• Day 11 - Tried the "blue" Toblerone.
• Day 12 - Doughnut holes from my hometown bakery.
• Day 13 - Winter pedicure.  (See - it's not all food!)
• Day 14 - Tried an appetizer called "Crunchy Thai Noodle."
• Day 15 - Explored the "Farm to Front Porch" local food project.  It, of course, came with samples!
• Day 16 - Went to the community theatre show.  Hilarious!  (And yeah, there were snacks at intermission.)
• Day 17 - Discovered a wealth of do-it-yourself spa treatments on Pinterest and made a salt scrub.
• Day 18 - Unwound with hot tea and a homemade peppermint foot soak.
• Day 19 - Made that cheesecake!
• Day 20 - Elegant dinner at a friend's house, featuring roasted winter vegetables and a brined chicken.
• Day 21 - Tried tortellini al forno.
• Day 22 - Tried a fresh-made ginger limeade.
• Day 23 - Browsed in a nice jewelry store while my engagement ring was inspected and cleaned.
• Day 24 - Made cranberry-nut bread from my mom's recipe.
• Day 25 - Had a home spa night with multiple "treatments."
• Day 26 - Started "Couch to 5K" with my first jog in years and years!  (It doesn't look like it's related to food, but I'm pretty sure it's an indirect result!)
• Day 27 - Watched the anime masterpiece Akira.
• Day 28 - Made (and used!) a homemade "achy muscle" bath to treat my owowowowow! from starting the "Couch to 5K" program!
• Day 29 - Tried a to-die-for chocolate truffle made with lavender, honey, and lemon.
• Day 30 - Made a composting bin with the idea of composting yard and household scraps to enrich the garden.  (Again, an indirect result of all the food!)

Whew!  As I said, much fun.  May 2014 be a good year for all of us - full of opportunities, delights, and growth.

See you next year!

Eleven Month Check-In!

Yes, this is the post that goes to eleven.  I've been a fan of Spinal Tap for quite a while and I didn't even try to resist using that line for this post!

So - the check-in.  I looked back over the year's posts and I can definitely see progress.  It's weird - I've gotten some very good habits ingrained, but they aren't exactly super-good habits.  For instance, I walk everyday, but I'm trying for a half-hour of a "walking for exercise" pace instead of counting steps.  Yesterday, my pedometer told me that I broke ten thousand steps for the first time in probably months and I felt just fine about that.  Sure, I'd like to do more, but I think it's more important that movement for health is becoming a habit, even if my usual step count is way under what my goal was back in January.

Eating better - that's a plus.  Thanksgiving was surely a feast day, but again - looking at the big picture here, my overall habits are much, much better than they were a year ago.  Lots more plain, fresh water on a regular basis, too.  Taken together, these habits have caused my weight to . . . well, stabilize.  I really haven't lost weight this year, but I also haven't gained a bit.  I think I'm about four pounds lighter than I was at the start of the year.  Yet I don't see that as a failure, either.  I'm not overweight and my doctor is quite happy with the results of all my blood work and routine tests.  I just don't fit the profile of a Victoria's Secret Angel - meaning that when I turn sideways, you can still see me and tell I'm of the female persuasion.  And that I can live with.

House - well, here's the real news.  My house is certainly "lived in" - I'll never have a house that makes Martha Stewart clutch her pearls and say, "You simply must tell me your secrets!"  But it's a happy home.  It's tidier on a regular basis than it's ever been (FlyLady, baby.  FlyLady.  You really can do anything for 15 minutes and those 15 minutes add up over the months) and it's calmer as a result.

Case in point - last year, my holiday season was marked by stress, crying jags, and frustration that was entirely self-inflicted.  Yesterday, for the first time ever, I spent part of Black Friday calmly un-decorating from Thanksgiving.  Then, with FryDaddy's help (he understands the truth in the saying "if Mockingbird ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"), we brought down all the Christmas boxes.  I worked for 15 minutes on getting some of the holiday stuff out and I'll do that again and again until everything is done.  And I'm willing to bet I'll be more serene and peaceful and happy than I was last year - which is really what it's all about.

Also - I'm taking inspiration from the Facebook Nation who posted all through November their "30 Days of Gratitude."  Last year, my holidays weren't that great because I insisted on perfection.  This year, I'm trying something new.  In fact, I'm trying a lot of new!  Over the last month or so, I've really tried to make an effort to try some new things - food, activities, etc. - so yesterday I started my "30 Days of New" by making time to go see the lighting of the town Christmas tree, which was small-town perfect, complete with live music and horse-drawn carriages.

We'll see how it goes, but I'm betting it goes all the way to eleven!

Seven Month Check In!

I very nearly called this post "Retreat!  Retreat!" but it sounded too urgent and a wee bit militaristic, which is pretty much the polar opposite of what this post is about, so I kept with the established "monthly check in" theme.

At the start of July, I added regular daily workouts to my (still developing) routines.  I've de-cluttered most of the house, so it was high time I began to take a look at the clutter I carry around with me body-wise.  As I said before, I know what I ought to eat, and I've made some healthy changes in those directions, but my sweet tooth leads me to despair sometimes.  But what really bugged me was that I just didn't feel strong - and I wanted to.  So I had started experimenting in June with workouts and quickly figured out a few things:

• I had to be realistic - why was I doing this?  My goal isn't to become a runner (no offense to my friends who go that way) or bench-press my body weight - I want to get fit, lose that same fifteen pounds that insists on sticking close to me, and have energy throughout my day.
• I needed to pick something that I could do in my house - past history has shown me that gym workouts don't work well for me with my schedule.
• I needed something that didn't require equipment.
• I needed something that made me break a sweat, yet was short enough that I could do it often.

So I settled on three days of half-hour interval training (short bursts of intense activity, followed by shorter periods of less intense movement) and three days of strength training (starting at one set and adding another set every two weeks - I'm up to three and am aiming for four).  I'm experimenting with substituting one day of yoga for one of the strength training sessions and my regular half-hour walk is still part of my daily round.  How to do this?  Welcome to YouTube!  I have a regular set of videos I use (there's a boxing one and [hangs head] one that's designed around 70s pop music) and I might expand those after I've done this routine for eight weeks (I'm just about to start Week Six) - we'll see.

Not much change in either weight or inches, but I have to say - I feel better.  More energy and I'm beginning to feel stronger.  I'm going to keep with it - I'll report back in another month.  And I've heard that no matter how slowly I go, I'm still lapping the me that sat on the couch, so there's that.

This past weekend, my routines were disrupted a bit as I kept a promise to a friend and went on a women's retreat in the mountains.  I've never done such a thing before and I wasn't at all sure.  (Seriously.)  I have to say, it was magnificent.  We stayed at a Catholic retreat center that was basic (not rustic - all the modern amenities were there) and far enough removed from the world that you actually had time and space to listen to the clamor in your own head and work to still it - I thought of it as dealing head-on with my mental clutter.  The center had extremely limited Wi-Fi, which turned out to be a godsend for me.  I've become a touch tech-dependent and I believe it did me a world of good to unplug for 40 hours.  I left the iPad plugged in and used it as an alarm clock and noted the amount of water I drank, but that was it.  No logging my food (yummy summer camp style food, by the way), no checking Facebook or e-mail or news.  (OK, I did call to check in with FryDaddy, but this was massive unplugging for me!)  Obviously, I'm plugged back in, but I think that's going to change some this next month - unplugging meant I paid more attention to the people around me, instead of being that Jimmy Buffett lyric about "taking Polaroid pictures that are never in focus/Just to look at when they finally slow down."

This weekend was marvelous.  And these women are inspiring - tough, funny, honest, and quick to see the best in you.  Really, I want to be these women when I grow up.  Thanks to their example, maybe I'm a little further along that path today than I was last Thursday.

It's going to be a good month!

Six Month Check In!

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This is a couple of days late and once you hear about June, I think you'll understand.  This was a wacky, crazybusy month - Joss in June took up any spare time that wasn't already devoted to my two summer school classes (which wrapped up two days before the conference; grades were turned in yesterday) and that's a schedule I hope to never have again!!  Yes, I know - I'm the one who set it up, but I don't always look out for my best interests.

For a conference report, go over to the main blog (linked above) and let me add one thing.  Ensley served as social media contact & guru and this conference simply would not have happened so smoothly and so well without his efforts. Communication is key and he kept things up to date, which is a much bigger task that you might initially think.

Looked at in the cold, hard light of day (okay, it's July in North Carolina, so it's more like the "hot, humid, languid light of day," but that doesn't sound as dramatic), June was rough.  All the hard work paid off - not just with the conference, which is garnering rave reviews and warm fuzzies by the bucketload (all of which are greatly, greatly appreciated!), but also with my classes.  Five-week summer sessions are intense and there's just not time to fool around, something a few students always unfortunately fail to realize.  But these were really good classes - students were engaged, interested, creative, and attentive.  Still - it takes work and a tremendous amount of energy, so I had days upon days in which I tended to conference details before class, did six-plus hours of song&dance for my classes, then dove back into conference "stuff."  By the time I was done, I was done.  There was far too much collapsing on the couch for a couple of hours, muttering "Love you" to my stalwart husband who kept things running, then dragging off to bed to toss and turn over what hadn't gotten done that day.

While some habits are becoming engrained - through this madness, I kept up with my basic routines, drank my water, ate fruits/vegetables, and added in one called "me time" (see my previous "Twenty Minutes" post) - my exercise often consisted of running around with my hair on fire and my eating habits - well, let's say that stress causes me to eat very badly and leave it at that.

So in a lot of ways, I'm starting over.  But in a lot of ways, I have good habits already in place; they're just a little dusty.  Also, in the last two weeks, I started playing with adding in half-hour interval workouts (amazing what you can find on YouTube) and I found a couple of online coaches who don't yell at me, but instead encourage, cheer, and in general, make me feel good about deciding to try something that's both new and hard.  (Really.  "In shape" does not describe me, unless the shape of that of cookie dough.)

We'll see.  I've been here before, of course, so what makes me think this is different?

I do.

I understand far better than I used to the importance of recharging and rest in the process of working.  Oh, I've talked about it, sure, but I never really "bought into" the concept.  I deserve to feel good in my own skin and to feel soothed when I come into my house.  So a little strength training today, sweep the front porch and water the plants, all followed by a luxurious massage, and next week - an "unplugged" vacation with my darling, a stack of fun books, and a beach.

Yeah.  A girl could get used to this.  And I hope I do.  Hard work is a good thing, but too much of it for too long is not.  Rest.  Recharge.  Renew.

Twenty Minutes

I've heard it for years - "you have to take care of yourself," "you can't give what you don't have," "put your oxygen mask on before you help someone else," and any number of other variations on the importance of self-care as a method of caring for others.  I've often written about my quest for less stress, but I've had a hard time getting the habit to take hold and I doubt I'm alone.  I think for many of us, the idea of taking care of our own needs conflicts with our desires to be taking care of others; that there's some inherent virtue in going last, eating the burnt toast, and taking the shower after the hot water's gone.

There's not.  If anything, that behavior borders on Martyr-Land, which is a dull and guilt-ridden place to visit.  Therefore, I've been trying to work "me time" into life on a more regular basis.  It's difficult at first, but all the books and magazine articles are right - why save all the good stuff for company that may or may not come?  I think Americans tend to go all out and not be good at all at balance - we work like dogs all year with very little downtime, then spend our rare holidays overdoing it.  Too much rich food, too much sun, too much play, too much of everything.

So how can I moderate pampering myself?  Well, this is still a work in progress, but here are ten I've tried:

• Take 15 minutes in the sunny hammock when I get home from work.  Sprawl there with a book that isn't work/research related.
• Actually use those flavored sugars I bought during our last spree at the spice shop in Asheville.  (I'm typing this with a cup of coffee fixed with a teaspoon of espresso sugar by my side - I think it's the coffeeist coffee I've ever had, and I'll probably have plenty of energy in my summer classes today!
• Make a strong cup of tea and drink it from the good china teacups that never get used.
• Meet a girlfriend for gossip and pedicures.  I picked a bright, clear pink, but next time, I'm going further and getting a little design on the big toe.
• Tell the Scoldy Voice in your head (the one telling you that this relaxation stuff is a frivolous waste of time) to go take a long walk off a short pier - I deserve to be treated well, and that includes by me.
• Get girly with a bubble bath, a homemade moisturizing mask (yep, that's where the end of the mayo went, FryDaddy), and my hair wrapped up in a towel to let the olive oil/egg yolk deep conditioning treatment sink in.  (Rinse well with this one!)
• Turned off my phone, at least for a little while.
• Say "thank you" to the people who keep my life running more or less smoothly - I have a husband who works hard for the family and does most of the supper cooking.  (Other household chores are split, but are often my responsibility, since he's away at school most of the time).  He cooks well and he appreciates it when I notice.
• Tell the Divine "thanks" - we're guaranteed nothing in life and, speaking for myself, I'm stunned by the calculus I need to count my blessings, even on my snarky days.
• Say "yes" to something spontaneous and slightly crazy - more on that in my next post.

The part of  this that has really shocked me is how long the effects of treating myself like company last.  Everything they're telling you about this is TRUE!  Carve out ten, fifteen, twenty minutes for yourself every day.  Have a list of things to do - even something as simple as "don't eat lunch at your desk" can count.

We're willing to try any number of crazy things in our quest to get more exercise, become slimmer, and dump our junk food habits - how about trying this for 30 days with the goal of getting happier, becoming more peaceful, and dumping some of that stress we carry around constantly?  Set a timer if you are afraid you'll relax "too long" or make a sticky note with a reminder to "tell three people thanks today."

Just try it.  You might like it.

Five Month Check In!

Which way is up?

One thing I'm learning on this year-long journey is the vital importance of "course corrections."  While progress has been in the forward direction, not all days are "perfect," and that's a good thing for me to learn.  I have a tendency - and I think I share this quality with many, many people - to underestimate how much time something will take and therefore, to plan too much for each day.  Then when I don't manage to cross everything off my list, well . . . I have to fight the idea that I'm a lazy, backsliding failure.

Oh, how dark and dusty and cobwebby are our brains!

While May was a good month, it was also chock-full of Big Days.  It began with the third anniversary of the decision made by me and FryDaddy to solemnize our relationship and agree publicly that we were in this for the Long Haul.  May also contained the exam period for the spring semester, which means it also had the grading frenzy.  There was graduation, a few solitary days at the beach (where I discovered a series of steampunk novels that I began tearing through and am trying hard to take the time to enjoy now that I'm back in the Everyday World), registration for summer classes, a fun-packed, but also wearying, weekend presenting on Joss Whedon at the Birmingham Alabama Phoenix Festival, and then the start of a super-abbreviated summer school session which will last all through June.

As you can see - too much going on there.  And the Joss in June conference that FryDaddy and I have been working on for a year happens at the end of this month, along with the aforementioned summer school sessions, so June is likely to be busy, too.  In May, I fell way behind on my "star" days (in fact, it's been three weeks since I even put a star on the calendar) and quick, processed food was an easy lure to get me through my routinely 12-hour-plus days.

All the more reason for me to take time out and off.  I'm hoping this month to start with little things, like making time for a cup of tea after my last class is over for the day.  (I like tea.)  Not constantly eating lunch at my desk while looking at the Internet.  More walks in the sunlight and saying "yes" to fun things with friends instead of regretfully saying, "No, I have a meeting at 7 tonight, but maybe in two weeks??"  Trying out that backyard hammock and watching the garden grow.

We only have so much time on this Earth and I want to spend more of it with those I love rather than with those I grade.  So it's time for a deep breath and a new look at things.  I want to keep working on menu planning to reduce the amount of angst over "what's for dinner?" and "oh, no, I need three things from the store" (which, at least for me, always seems to turn into $35).  I want to get back to eating food I can pronounce and getting in at least mild exercise every day - rushing from appointment to appointment doesn't count.

New month, new start!