Tiara Post - Finis

Happy French Friday! Here we are - with fifteen total tiara posts detailing the "Summer Tiara Challenge." How'd we do?

In North Carolina, it's drop-dead gorgeous (rather like the Fife Tiara, which is dazzling the post this week). We're enjoying a few days of clear weather with just a hint of coolness in the air. Perfect convertible weather! Pick your music and let your hair just waft in the wind . . .

Now get real. Before people have even dried out from Harvey, leviathan Hurricane Irma is determined to wreak havoc on Florida and even out here people are stripping the grocery shelves bare in case we lose power for a few days. I enjoyed the weather too much and wound up leaving my ragtop open to the elements when a thunderstorm rolled in. And letting your hair - ever your super-cool cobalt and amethyst hair - waft in the wind means it turns into a mass of snarls when you bring the car to a stop.

Never forget. Your outside is one thing, but you flat-out have to tend to your inner self as well! And that is best done with truth. So let's take another look, shall we?

During this challenge, I did well on some things - bullet journaling and trying new foods in particular - but making even mild exercise an everyday thing didn't materialize the way I planned. Water intake is up to where it ought to be (most days), and I've tried water infused with berries and mint and even made sun tea during the eclipse. I'm better at "treating myself like company," too. The "ruthlessly winnow out my closet" part - well, I wasn't quite as ruthless as I'd like to have been. In fact, I have quite a few ruths left.

Sloth with Tiara. Perfection! 

But I do catch myself saying, "It's time to push back from the desk. Get some more water. Hey, why not eat outside in the sunshine today?" And while I have days where I look like an escapee from the pages of PeopleofWalMart, some other days I manage to pull an outfit off with a certain élan. Those are usually days when I go simple, instead of fussing so much. Today, for example - dark jeans, a crisp white blouse (worn untucked) and my darling Target-found leopard ankle boots. I'm getting closer to being a true "une femme d'un certain âge," I think. And I'm having a blast making the journey - thank you for taking it with me!

Fall is beginning soon. Make sure you write yourself into your calendar of obligations. Scrunch through leaves. Buy real apple cider. Eat a pear so juicy that you're nearly indecent. Remember to be kind to those around you - a lot of folks are going to be needing serious help this season. You don't have to join the Cajun Navy, but be sure your thoughts and prayers come with casseroles, gas cards, bottled water, diapers, and/or other expressions of "I know you need some help just now. Here."

We don't sparkle because someone else crowned us. We did that ourselves and part of wearing a tiara is knowing that not everyone has our good fortune to live a life that can lend itself so readily to humor and joy. Therefore, we have an obligation to help the world find its own sparkle - and you can't do that with an empty belly or filthy drinking water.

So straighten that tiara and roll up your sleeves! This world needs what we've got - which includes a willingness to work hard, demonstrate kindness, and demand justice.

Go forth, my sisters!

Lucky Thirteen!

A little late, so we'll call this one the "Sunday Funday Tiara Posting!!!" (I figure the enthusiasm of the  extra exclamation points buys me some slack on the two-day-late post!)

Our tiara picture this week, by the way, is a lovely example of a modern piece - this opal, emerald, and diamond piece was designed for Joanna Newsom's 2013 wedding to Andy Samberg (of Brooklyn Nine Nine - a hilarious show, if you haven't been watching it).  I love the riot of color in this one.

So - checking in. How's your tiara balancing? For me, this week has been crazybusy - one of my college classes is taught at a local high school, which means that I'm shuffling two class schedules. While I enjoy the students, I hate the different schedules (no college class meets five days a week for nine weeks!) and much of the first week is given over to things that traditional college classes just don't have to deal with. I appreciate the opportunity that is given to the students here - free college, yay! - but . . . well, let's just say my tiara was not always squarely set on my head this week. That means it's even more important to center myself, which explains why last night was spent having an amazing dinner with PopTap (we were supposed to see Wonder Woman again while our husbands were gaming, but we enjoyed the conversation so much that we missed the movie! So we bought tap shoes for her upcoming dance class (from a bull rider - there's always a story, if you just take time to listen) and browsed the pop culture section of a bookstore. (I now have knee socks with cats in a fuzzy shrub - pussy willows, if you will!) Today was intended to be a pajama day, but I'll have to go out at some point, which will require swapping slippers for shoes.

Society is so demanding.

In other news - I had an excellent oncology check-up this week - that's one area where it's really wonderful to be boring! PLUS - we received our author copies of A Dream Given Form, the guide to Babylon 5 that has been in the works for three years. (My bout with Junior Auxiliary Cancer pushed that project back a solid year. Blech.) FryDaddy and I have a book launch scheduled for our hometown next Saturday, Sep. 9 - contact me for details! It'll be a fun time, with refreshments that are tied to the show and a chance to chat with the authors (us!) while having your copy signed!

There's only one more week left on our Tiara Challenge - take a good, clear-eyed look at your habits and let's end strong! Scatter some joy in the lives of others and make some time to celebrate the unique, possibly eccentric, individual that you are! No one else on this planet can sing your song, so belt it out, sister!

Tiara the Twelfth

Heavier than some, but still very pretty!

Greetings, We-Who-Sparkle!

Yes, it's not quite a "French Friday" this week - a brush with a stomach bug kept that from being a wise choice - but one of the gifts of learning the "sparkle path" is figuring out that self-care sometimes means missing self-imposed deadlines. (And you really didn't want to read anything I had to say before today! Blech!)

OK - so bugs happen. I hadn't been that puny and miserable for at least a couple of years. It wasn't anything serious, but I've spent the last two days on ginger ale, crackers, and Campbell's Chicken 'n' Stars. (That's my go-to comfort food when I'm sick. It's been that way since I was just a Li'l Sparkle and it's a testament to how long it's been since I've been that curled-up-miserable that I noticed that the company has changed the stars since the last time FryDaddy went out to fetch sickbed supplies for me.) I'm much better today and the sheets are in the laundry on the "boil" setting.

I missed my usual Weight Watchers meeting Thursday night, but went to one this morning. Now, bugs are not the preferred method of weight loss for any sane person, but I'm looking for silver linings here and I can announce that I've cracked double digits and am now down 11.2 pounds from my starting weight three months ago. (That means I've lost the equivalent of a cat or a gallon of paint. Perhaps a painted cat.) That's just under a pound a week (remember there was vacation and the Legion World Series in there, too), which isn't showy, but is certainly respectable. Onward!

In other news, this past Monday night, I helped pull off the "Eclipsing Hate" rally here in town. (My job was mostly securing the location and pushing pastries on people. I quite enjoyed it.) This was a HUGE success, bringing together people of a wide range of ages, political affiliations, religious leanings, and races to affirm a commitment to peace and bridge-building. We were challenged by one speaker (Titus Hopper, who serves as principal to our Early College High School) to not leave the rally until we had gotten the contact information for at least 5 people we didn't know. Over the next three months, we're to get in touch with these folks and sit down for lunch and conversation - not just a text, not just a phone call. What a great idea!

Also this week, I spent a big chunk of time at work "gamifying" my high school public speaking course - I'm excited and deeply nervous about taking this plunge. It's a natural extension of my work to bring relevant popular culture into the classroom, but turning the entire class into a game (students earn "experience points" rather than grades, which they gain through a mixture of "solo missions" and "Guild quests," etc.) is going to require an enormous amount of work. Then again, it's past time to mix that one up. (Hmm - I'm starting to see why my immune system might have let a bug sneak by.)

Seriously - what a cool idea!

Then, when I went by the library, I finally found my first hidden rock! People in my hometown started doing this - people take flat rocks, paint them with bright colors and inspirational messages, then hide them around town. When you find one, you re-hide it. It's a neat idea - and not just for kids.

So, all in all, I'd say it's been a good week. Could have done without the bug part, but without the lows, it's difficult to appreciate the highs. (It's cliched, but it's true. If you are routinely blessed with good health, there's nothing like waking up feeling better after a mild illness to make you aware of and appreciate it. I hate that that is a lesson I apparently needed to re-learn!)

Only two more weeks on this Sparkle Challenge! Let's end strong!

Tiara the Eleventh

Happy French Friday, everyone! Do you like the "Eclipse Tiara"? Remember to be safe with your eyes on Monday.

So how are we doing this week? For me, this was a strange, odd, quirky sort of week. It was the week before classes began for the fall semester, which always involves a schedule that is whopperjawed. (If you don't know what "whopperjawed" means, just think of it as another way of saying "cattywampus." If you don't know what "cattywampus" means - check this out and you'll soon be up to speed, bless your heart.)

I expected my scale check-in this week to result in head-hanging shame, but just to prove that there is very little logic to be found in the universe, I lost a fraction of a pound. That's despite the ball park eating, the stress sweet tooth, and the desperation frozen pizza night. I'm redoubling my efforts to get back to full-out tracking (it really does make a difference with me) and to add at least mild exercise each day to burn a little extra. I'm within two pounds of my second goal and I'd really like to reach that next week.

I have also discovered the glory that is a long, tunic-style shirt worn over leggings. While I wouldn't wear my ensemble today for teaching, it was perfect for a day of rummaging around the office. (Side note - I wore heels for my first day of class and those shoes are now in the "give away" pile. They seem to be a pair that I bought because they were on sale instead of being perfect for me - I have q raw place on one of my toes that had me ready to scream by the end of yesterday! Remember - regardless of the price tag, it's not a bargain if it's not perfect for you! This is a lesson I keep having to relearn, I'm afraid.)

In addition to the eclipse Monday, a small group of concerned citizens are holding a rally in uptown Shelby called "Eclipsing Hate" to provide a unified visual counterpoint to the shocking violence that rocked Charlottesville. If you're in town, come on out. It'll be held at the City Pavilion (the location of the farmer's market) from 6 to 8 pm. Please spread the word!

What better place to wear a tiara? And really, what's a rally without glitter?

Just food for thought.

Three more weeks to shine, Sisters!

Tenth Tiara Check-In!

Pink Topaz Tiara from Prussia

It's French Friday, everybody!

Whew! Not a super-sparkly week (probably a 6/10), but I'm trying to square my shoulders and soldier on. The American Legion World Series is in town, as are my parents, and the rain is pouring down at the moment. Sigh. Baseball is just not a game that gets played in the rain, so I'm hoping this weather moves out quickly.

On the weight front - sigh. Time to double down. I had a slight gain this week and, thanks to my now-ingrained tracking habits, I know why that is. It's frustrating, though - FryDaddy gets way more daily points to play with and has reached a major milestone (20 pounds!). I am, of course, proud of and pleased for him, but - dagnab it, I'm struggling to reach eight pounds! Exasperated and (yes) hungry, I threw caution to the wind yesterday, but am now re-committed to my goal of losing fifteen pounds by the end of September. It's doable, but I need to add exercise on a much more regular basis that I've been doing.

So let's look at the plus side of things. Exercise-wise, I did a light hike this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed being outside. I tended to my creative fires and spent a couple of hours one night at one of those "paint 'n' sip" events at our local Arts Council creating a Franz Marc-inspired sloth. (I love Marc's work. Don't judge him by my efforts!) I also spent a fun afternoon helping Barefoot and her daughter (my god-daughter) paint her room a lovely pale seafoam as she gets ready to enter high school. (We also went driving one afternoon - it was a hoot and she almost knows how to do a solid three-point turn.) My folks are in town for the next few days and we actually enjoy each other's company. And there are some merry things happening in my life; therefore, when the totality of the circumstances is examined, I'd say the pluses outweigh (ha!) the minuses.

Important to remember how much a change in outlook can change your outlook. Shimmer, sisters!

Four more weeks!!

Ninth Tiara Check-In!

Diamonds or sapphires? Why limit
yourself to one or the other?

Sorry the post is too late to be a "French Friday," but summer's not over yet!

In fact, today is the kickoff for a huge event in my town - we host the American Legion World Series which brings together the best Legion-sponsored teams from across the country. My parents usually come in to town for the games and last year, I finally shoved work aside to meet them for some of the games. The reason I had not done this before is simple - I'm not always that bright. I had so much fun at these games and the people-watching is unparalleled! My folks and I had chunks of time to spend together and - honestly - I'm eager to be back there later this next week.

Events start today with a big, kid-friendly street festival capped off with a free outdoor concert. This year, it's Charlie Daniels, and I'm thinking about taking a sign that says PLAY "UNEASY RIDER"!  That was his first real hit and it's just a great song and one that you might not associate with Charlie Daniels, given his more recent politics.

I would rate this week at 8/10 sparkles. I'm working to get classes set up so I have time to spend at the Legion games without worrying about how to manage that later. (This year the festival ends just before classes begin, which is nice. Usually, there's some overlap, which is a pain to schedule around.) I got back on track with my healthy (well, "healthier") eating habits and worked in a couple of light walking sessions. I'm headed to a local trail later today for some shade and quiet before the "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" festivities crash over me. I plan to be mindful of ballpark food and hit my next "number on the scale" goal this week. I also got to spend some time this week with people who I value and love, which is always worthwhile.

With the beginning of August, I made a few adjustments in my bullet journal (which I've been keeping for nearly a year now - wow!). I use this journal as a quick way to take stock at the end of the day, so I can easily look back over the past week/month/season and make goals and adjustments. This month, for instance, I'm not only tracking how many days I work on my French and drink enough water, I added in "didn't eat at my desk." I'm hoping to hit five working days out of five on that one. I have found bullet journaling to be incredibly useful as a quick shorthand to see the development of certain habits - be careful of Pinterest, though. People get WAY into perfection on these things!

Got to go figure out how to rig a tiara up to a baseball cap . . .

Go forth and shine! Five weeks to go!!

Eighth Tiara Check-In!

French Friday!!

We've still got about six weeks left on our "Summer Tiara Challenge" - how's your sparkle this week?

I had a week that served as a reminder that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I wasn't happy that I turned into the Voracious Craw for a couple of days and threw off my painfully-slowly-developing good eating habits, but it had some learning moments. For instance, you hear much about "don't keep junk food in the house," which is good advice. But you know what? The day will come when you grab your keys, get in the car, and go get it! Don't beat yourself up - it'll happen. In my case, the mass quantities of cheap candy I mindlessly snarfed didn't even taste good and afterward - blech! So file it away as a lesson. To go with that lesson - don't let yourself get hungry-starved! I had some busy days this week and I fell into old habits, which includes thinking, "Oh, I just need to finish this before I eat. And this. Oh, look - there's another task over here."

Stop that! It's pert-close to madness and no one benefits from that.

When this happens (and it will), do not despair. Wash your face, say your prayers, go to bed. Then start over the next morning. Square your shoulders, Daughter of Shine! Treat yourself gently and do the same for others.

That's really the other point I want to address in this post. This week, I changed my mermaid hair to a much darker base - it's really back to "galaxy hair" for the rest of summer. The colors are rich, and deep, and thoroughly artificial. You do not "go galaxy" if you don't want people to notice the look.  Why, as a respectable, tax-paying, middle-aged woman, would I do this?

The answer is quite simple, but was a long time in coming.

Joy.

To begin with, I think in contemporary American society, there's an idea that women my age ought to quietly go out to pasture. We're considered "past our prime," which seems to be measured almost solely in sexual attractiveness (I could use a far more vulgar term, but I was gently reared, so I won't) and a large swath of society seems to put an expiration date on that.

Nope. I am more comfortable in my skin than I ever was in my twenties and thirties and that is a fact with which others simply will need to learn to deal. Their discomfort is not my problem.

Secondly, as a child, I was nearly painfully shy. Really - I think I was attracted to working backstage on theatrical productions because the crew is so often invisible. I nearly never felt comfortable interacting with people, which is one reason I'm sure I developed my love of language and my (occasionally) sharp-edged tongue.

It's taken me years, as in decades, to learn how to stand up and be seen - and to holler if necessary.

I'm not giving that up to make other people comfortable.

There's a philosophy that claims we'll all have to answer, not only for the wrongs we did in this life, but for the joys we refused to partake in. I want both lists to be as short as possible. That doesn't mean I don't know how to wear a demure strand of pearls and a twinset, but to quote a costume designer I once knew, "All clothes are costumes." Why do we insist on only one version of ourselves?

Go shine. The world needs your light.

Seventh Tiara Check-In!

Rock Crystal Points - wow!

Welcome back to another "French Friday," where we check in on our summer tiara goals!

I spent last week on vacation out in the wilds of Utah, so I deliberately missed a posting, rather than try to cram one in and thus upset my strict schedule of relaxation and rejuvenation. I'm sure you understand.

Visiting Utah is a different world - two of my bestest friends (who have known me since I was in my late teens) met in college in Virginia, married, and eventually settled out in the high desert of the Beehive State. We've seen each other through some beautiful, whirlwind, joyous times, and we've also been there as rock-solid supports for each other through some of life's lesser-than-great moments. I love them ferociously and they me. (Plus, when FryDaddy and I visit, the children are put on "fetch mode" with strict orders to make us comfortable, which is decadent beyond belief, since the kids actually go into "staff function.") Lesson learned - tiaras need to be placed in your carry-on luggage, but expect to be stopped and have your luggage hand-searched by the TSA personnel, as it is unusual to see tiaras on the X-ray machine. It may be best to practice looking imperious before approaching the security line.

FryDaddy got to do his thing, which mostly involves bookstores and quiet nooks in which to read, preferably with a cat curled up on his lap. Thanks to Iris-Kitty, he had the time of his life! My vacation was a bit more active - note: that was not an "easy" hike, regardless of whatever delusions the guidebook writer was suffering from! - and also punctuated with Versailles-level luxuries, such as fresh pastries, morning cappuccino with cream, and serious "girl time" involving self-care and high tea at the Grand America Hotel. (Yes, that outing involved two tiaras, one frilly hat, and an exquisite fascinator between the four of us. I also bought a music box.) There were fireworks on the lake that made us all scream with excitement, fresh-picked asparagus and currants, and more love than we could absorb.

Truly, a magnificent, tiara-worthy break!

Coming back was hard - not only did the Carolina humidity hit us like a wet woolen blanket as soon as we left the sanctuary of the airport, there was also the necessary return to food tracking. Not bad - I did re-gain three pounds during my break, but I regret nothing. Do you hear me? NOTHING! In this, the book of Ecclesiastes is wise - there really is a time for everything and last week was a time of indulgence, soothing, and deep comfort.

Not to mention, it was great fun to see the kids tear into Cheerwine, which they couldn't remember ever seeing! I guess it's my own "private Utah," which is vaguely like My Own Private Idaho, without all the hustler activity and Henry IV references, which really means it's nothing at all like My Own Private Idaho. 

We'll be back there soon - and I urge you to find your own magic spot. We all need one (maybe more than one) and you can't expect anyone else's to truly suit you.

Sixth Tiara Check-In!

Hey, sunshine - how's that tiara sparkling? That's right - we're now about halfway through summer and it's time for another tiara check-in!

This week - wow! Some GREAT stuff happened (including a "girls' day" with my beloved teen goddaughter) along with some not-so-great stuff to even it all out. You don't wear a tiara only on the good days, you know. If you've earned one, you wear it and stand even taller and straighter on the days that are punctuated by bouts of ick. (FryDaddy spent a large chunk of this week down with the Creeping Crud, which is always bad, but in the summer seems even worse. He's on the mend, though.)

It was blazing hot so I didn't exercise as I had intended and I didn't get around to trying to make my own crepes either, but my garden provided a few cucumbers this week and the tomatoes are (finally!) starting to ripen. I also was gifted with cucumbers at my weekly WW meeting. (I'm down another .8 of a pound and closing in on my second goal, which was to lose 5% of my starting weight.)

Now, we'll have to see what happens on that front this next week - vacation is coming up and we're heading to the wild West where goats and elk roam the Wasatch Mountains and meals delectable enough to make Julia Child slap her momma are routinely prepared - much of it from the back garden and beehives! Alas - we arrive in between rodeo weeks, so I still don't get to see "mutton busting" but lazy days on the reservoir, a fancy high tea, some high altitude hiking and possibly a pedicure involving a belt sander are on the tentative schedule.

The video is from Texas, because - Texas.

I have learned a new French phrase for this "French Friday" - "il faut oser!" or "You have to dare!"

Excellent advice, I say! Therefore, my goals for this next week are simple - enjoy, recharge, and luxuriate in the company of those who love me!

May your week bring you joy!

Hurry, Hurry - Now Wait!

I've been putting off drafting this post, hoping a few things would snap into focus and I could write definitively about them, but that's just not happening, so let me get you up to speed as best as I can.

The fall semester is over. Grades are turned in and there was the usual gnashing of teeth, rending of garments, and marking in red. Some students pulled things together and amazed me and some - well, some just didn't, or they misread the syllabus, or, or, or. At any rate, it's done and in the record books at this point, which means it's time to get ready for the holidays, right?

Well . . .

Even by my standards, Dec. 19th is a little late to be getting a tree, but that's how the Casa de Guffey rolled this year. On the plus side, waiting until the 19th means you get a really, really cheap tree.  On the minus side, it's a little on the funky side from being cut and tied up for so long.  We now have our second year of learning "just how much tree will fit in a sedan?"  (The answer for a Ford Focus is "about seven feet," by the way. Just drive carefully and stay on the back roads.) A good friend brought his sons over and he gave the trunk a fresh cut, we wrestled it into the stand and it's now slurping up water and letting its branches relax and hang out.  Hopefully, we'll decorate it (and get the last few thingamabobs up in the house) tomorrow, which is also a major family feed day. Yum!

As you know from this blog, the main reason the holidays are so discombobulated this year has to do with my introduction into the Pink Ribbon Club. That's kept me (and FryDaddy, as my personal chauffeur) hopping lately, with consultations and appointments galore.  Let's see - among the things I've learned would be:

• I don't have a genetic predisposition towards cancer - it's just one of those things that could (and apparently, often does) happen. That's not nice, but it's good to know that I'm not at a high-risk for recurrence.
• Surgery is expected to be a "lumpectomy," although I don't actually have a lump. On the day of surgery, they'll insert teensy guide wires to tell the surgeon "start here!" and "stop here!" I'd think a felt-tip marker could do the same thing, but no. When I whined about this, FryDaddy reminded me that, yes, I have many accomplishments, but going to med school isn't one of them, so maybe (just maybe) I could hush up about this part. I hate that he's right.
• Surgery will be outpatient, which thrills me to no end. Get me home, please! We've got comfort food in the kitchen and I hope to have a few hot meals lined up before we leave on Monday.
• When you remove tissue, the body doesn't like it much and wants very much to fill that void with fluid, which is bad and can be painful. To avoid that, the idea is to compress everything and hold everything very, very still. So I'll be wearing a garment I've spent my entire life avoiding - oh, it may be medically-indicated, but it's still essentially a tube top. I want sequins and blue eyeshadow to go with it, but apparently that's not an option.  At least not one covered by insurance.
• Due to the (still fingers crossed here) change in date, Christmas is going to be very interesting. But honestly, I want this done.  As in DONE. So I jumped at the date change. Looks like the 23rd of December for me. I'm scheduled to go first that day, so we've booked a hotel room close to the hospital rather than make the hour-long drive at 4 AM.
• The date was switched because a pathologist managed to get the slides from my biopsy, examine them, and say, "By George, the doctor's right in her surgical plan!" With that done (they weren't expecting the pathologist to get the slides so quickly, but that Very Fetching Hat seems to have some magical powers), there was a slot on the 23rd, so the hospital called me, and I began a whirlwind of phone calls to schedule what felt like thirty-seven separate appointments. While not physically exhausting, it's been a draining day.
• The 23rd of December. That's sort of funny in the "non ha ha" way - a year ago, I began jobbling as part of my "I'm going to take better care of myself" pledge.  (My first jobble was on Christmas Eve, I believe.) Now this.

I am amazed beyond belief at the kindness and gentleness of people during this stressful, weird time. (And judging from the quote in the picture, I know a LOT of very, very strong people.) It's nearly overwhelming what friends will do for you in times of trouble. With cancer, maybe it's a little of that primitive lizard-brain at work - "If I do this, the Angel of Pink Ribbons will fly over my house;" I don't know. What I do know is that my yard and gutters are leaf-free, I have a Christmas tree with a fresh cut, my workplace is being beyond understanding, I have the promise of fresh homemade food, and dozens of friends have given/are giving us gifts of time, talents, kind thoughts, and errand-running so my house can get through this rough patch with as little disruption as possible.

It'll make you pause.

And maybe that's the lesson in all of this.

Be safe. And don't wait to tell those you love that you love them. If you get another chance to do it, tell them again. Won't hurt.  Might help.

November - Checking In!

Poet Thomas Hood didn't really care for November, once writing:

No sun - no moon!
No morn - no noon -
No dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day.
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member -
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds! -
November! 

Right there with you, Tommy.

All throughout 2014, I've been "checking in" on the resolutions I made in January. Back then, I set five challenges for myself and all year, I've been reporting in my progress, setbacks, and "ack!" moments. To review - I picked six classic books I hadn't read to complete this year, I picked 24 "good movies" I'd never seen to watch this year, I determined to keep a household budget and tame the credit card monster while I was at it, I said I'd take the FlyLady system further into homecare, and I said I'd train to run a 5K race before the New Year's Eve.

OK. No one ever had me stand on a stage to receive the "Sanest Woman Alive" medal. There's been progress, sure - I've read three of my six classic books (along with a slew of other books that weren't on the list), seen 12 of my classic movies (again, along with a slew of classics that weren't on the list [I especially recommend Fritz Lang's M, by the way]), the budget comes and goes although we've done very well on keeping credit cards in a drawer, the basics of the FlyLady system are in place, although my zones are hit-and-miss, and - my big triumph - I've run 3 official 5K races, along with several "virtual" ones where you run and post your time online.

In the meantime, work has been driving me into a state of frantic "I can't get caught up," I feel like organizations I deeply care about are getting about 70% of me and that's squeezed in, my writing projects feel like chores rather than opportunities, and my beloved husband, who took me 40 years to find, feels a lot like an amiable roommate some days.

Clearly, something had to give.

I was not expecting it to be a diagnosis of cancer, although that'll pull you up right short in a hurry.

Cornhole - lot of missed shots there!

I wrote about this in my last post, but a quick recap and the latest news. I have been diagnosed with ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS"), which is both good news - it's not life-threatening in and of itself; it's what it can turn into that's worrisome and bad news - it's gorram cancer. I've had two biopsies done and am scheduled for a third Monday morning. OK, now for the funny.  400 years of the scientific method and the best position for a patient to be in for a breast biopsy is to lie flat on a table, with the (ahem) body part in question stuck through a hole as if a backyard game of cornhole has gone dreadfully wrong. There's clamping and needles, and bandages, and teensy portable ice packs and uncomfortable sleeping for a few days and a day or two of sharpening your sponge bath skills.  In short, while not nearly as bad as any other number of medical procedures (at least you get to go home), it's not a barrel of monkeys, either.

After Monday's "third time's the charm" procedure, it's time to pick a surgeon (I'll be a patient of this doctor for a number of years, so we need to get along and also, how far do I want to have to travel for check-ups? These questions, along with, "You received your Board certification when?" and "You've performed this exact operation how many times in the last year?" are ones that will need be asked.) Hos much tissue will need to be removed (lumpectomy or full-on mastectomy), what sort of surgical follow-up (radiation, chemotherapy, both, or neither) and what kind of recovery time is expected - these are questions that cannot yet be answered.

Part of the Colander Commandoes

I've had what I'm being told is a very human reaction to all of this - and the first person to quote Elisabeth Kubler-Ross to me gets strangled with a pink ribbon. I see the massive "bummerocity" in dedicating this year to getting my diet and exercise habits in better order only to be hit by a cancer diagnosis. I am grateful for medical technology that found the "bad spots" years before a traditional mammogram could've picked up on them. I'm profoundly humbled by the kindness of friends and complete strangers who have come to my aid during a time when a certain slant of light makes me tear up. I have cards, presents, prayer shawls, silly pictures, and a list of names as long as my arm of people who are willing to help out. (Need your leaves raked? Dog need some attention and a place to romp? How about some casseroles and soup so you don't have to fret about cooking?) You learn that you're sick even if you don't exactly feel sick. And you learn that life keeps spinning and that it's not all going to break your way just because you're sick - we had to put our young gray cat down due to (you guessed it) cancer this past week and that was a Very Bad Day.

Very Fetching Hat

And you know what one of the most profound lessons in all this has been?  Yes. 

Yes, I do have time to be sick. Yes, I am far, FAR stronger than a half-teaspoon of malignant tissue. And yes, I am worth being loved and being taken care of. (There was a time I wasn't too sure about that part.  Really wasn't too sure about that part!) Yes, deadlines can be re-negotiated without the person on the other end thinking you're some sort of couch slacker. And yes, you can fight with a Very Fetching Hat and dozens of friends who are willing to wear colanders for the battle. 

I have cancer, yes, but that's far from all there is to me. Going into December, I figure my final challenge for 2014 is going to be one that I maybe should have put first - every day, I'm doing something nice for me. Maybe I'll bake something to share (hey, nice to me can also be nice to others, you know!), maybe I'll make time for a manicure (waiting in doctor's offices leads to me picking obsessively at my cuticles), maybe I'll take a half-hour and read for fun. At any rate - it's the Season for Being Nice - and yes, that should count me.

Be well.  And to quote those grand philosophers Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, "Be excellent to each other."

So You Think You Had Plans . . .

As I wrote in my last post, my regular, run-of-the-mill mammogram didn't look so good, so other tests were ordered. Then an ultrasound. Then a biopsy. OK, at this point, it doesn't take a Rhodes scholar (which I'm not) to figure out that sumpin just ain't right in Boobtown. And true enough, the biopsy was clear as dawn - ductal carcinoma in situ ("DCIS") which translates into "yay! you've got the very least bad form of breast cancer!" What I've got hasn't invaded beyond the duct into surrounding tissue or into the lymph nodes, but let's not kid ourselves, this is still Pink Ribbon territory.

And I'm scared.

Friends and family have been great and things are chugging along - I have an MRI scheduled for first thing Wednesday morning and after that, I'll pick a surgeon (think of it as a really bad game show, probably airing on Fox until public outcry becomes too much to ignore) and we figure out how much of me is left and how much of my Amazonian cosplay takes on an air of true authenticity.

Time does funny things at this point. I want everything to just stop. Just. Stop. I want to curl up into a very small ball and hide under the covers, not even coming out for comfort food like pie or Chicken 'n' Stars. I just want things to stop. But things, of course, don't stop, not least of which is because I have attained the status of a Grown-Up and am expected to carry on with things. There is work to be done - papers to grade, laundry to fold, writing to do, pets to care for, errands to run - all the things that go into creating a modern life and yes, they have to be done. And they have to be done even when you're feeling weak, and fragile, and impostor-ish because with DCIS, you just barely have cancer at all, and so many other people have it so much worse, so for God's sake, buck up, girl! (You think this because your brain is certifiably crazy, by the way.) And someone gives you a hug or buys you a cup of tea and you just collapse into a shallow puddle. If you're lucky, you choke out, "Excuse me" and get to the bathroom before you begin sobbing and no mascara is really that waterproof. Screaming seems like a logical course of action, but it would scare spouses, co-workers, small children and/or pets, so that's out, unless you make an excuse and go for a drive. Then, make sure the windows are tightly rolled up and have at it.

And then there are the times where you're okay and you can fret over everyday things, like not being able to go for a jobble because it's raining too hard and you're pretty sure you could've made good time today. And you make jokes and wisecracks because it's what you know how to do and it feels normal and you want to feel normal but damn, this is weird. People in nurse's uniforms and sensible shoes are treating you like you're a chart, so you take to wearing a ridiculous hat just so they stop for a split second and look you in the eye.

You try not to worry people around you, but you just don't know how to answer when someone asks you, "How are you?" That simple question becomes a big, honking deal. You just get through the day as best you can with lists running through your head as you pigeonhole your life - medical stuff, insurance stuff, work stuff, family stuff - and invariably you drop something.

And you just want to curl up into that very small ball - all from a microscopic cluster of cells that don't belong there. Roller coaster of emotions? Hell, that's easy. Try a gorram Tilt-A-Whirl. But I keep being told to "feel what you're feeling" and right now, I feel overwhelmed. People are thinking about me, and praying for me, and making me gifts (gorgeous, gorgeous gifts) and being so kind to me that I feel so crappy about feeling crappy.

But I am assured that this, too, shall pass.

Leaving what in its wake, I have no idea.

October - Checking In!

Way back at the start of the year, I set five challenges for myself and I've been reporting in my progress, setbacks, and "ack!" moments all year. To recap - I picked six classic books I hadn't read to complete this year, I picked 24 "good movies" I'd never seen to watch this year, I determined to keep a household budget and tame the credit card monster while I was at it, I said I'd take the FlyLady system further into homecare, and I said I'd train to run a 5K race before the New Year's Eve.

Clearly, I was clinically insane to think I could take on all of that. Add in the fact that I work full-time at a job that I greatly enjoy, but one that is quite demanding and I have relationships that I care about keeping healthy and positive, and oh,yeah - I had a major commercial book come out (Wanna Cook?) and nearly immediately jumped into the next project - yes. Insane. Bonkers. Loopy. A sandwich short of a picnic. Round the bend. Crazy as a rat in a coffee can.  All of those terms, plus more, probably have applied.

So I'm practicing something that isn't on "the list" - something that I strongly suspect isn't on any of our lists, but jolly well should be. I'm practicing saying "enough will do." FryDaddy and I just finished a quick swoop 'n' clean of the floors in our little, lovely home. It had gone on too long, and what we just did will do. While I didn't pick up another heavy "good book" from my list, I've enjoyed reading Hedy's Folly (about movie star Hedy Lamarr's contribution to torpedo technology, as well as cell phone technology) and Factory Man (about keeping furniture manufacturing jobs here in the Southeast despite the flood of cheap Chinese imports). I haven't marked any more movies off my list either, but I've seen Fritz Lang's M, which I somehow had missed - amazing, incredible film about justice, vengeance, and insanity. The Babylon 5 project isn't moving as quickly as I'd like, but we're still okay on that. "Enough will do."

Budgeting is the tough one. It's just too tempting to eat out on busy, busy days. I'm hoping with the coming of colder weather that stews, soups, and casseroles become staples in the household. Easy to fix ahead of time and you know what you're having before you get home from work.

Following my doctor's report, I gave up tracking my food (just in time to go nuts with Halloween sweets), then got a KA-BLAM! dropped on me in the form of a "not so good" mammogram report. Long story short, additional tests indicate some calcification, so I have a biopsy scheduled for later this coming week and I'm scared. Hint - if something like this ever happens to you (and I hope it doesn't and that your life unrolls in front of you like the finest Chinese silk), screw being brave and stoic. Tell people. And let them help you. Let them cook for you and keep you company, and sit with you over coffee, and talk about something completely else, and offer you support, and prayers, and cartoons, and well wishes. And be so very glad you have people. They're a little scared for you too, and this helps them about as much as it helps you. So suck it up, sunshine - and let people help.

One thing I've learned in the last twelve years or so is that it's fine to be scared, you just don't let it stop you. So you do it scared. So this morning, I woke up to a dark, cold, blustery-with-rain day and went ahead and jobbled the "Rhythm & Roots" 5K race. My time was so-so - I was hoping to be under 35 minutes, but with the cold, rain, and crowd, I came in at 38:38. Still - that means I've done three 5K's this year and a year ago, I didn't even own a pair of running shoes and was flailing around a church parking lot.

Enough will do.

Checking In - September!

What an interesting month it's been! (Such a useful word, "Interesting.")I've had the opportunity to learn a lot about "over-goaling" this month and I'm actually spending a few days re-assessing. Far from being a sign of failure, I've learned this year that those times are crucial to success. I took on too many goals and put too much pressure on myself to excel at all of them all the time, and it's okay to acknowledge that and correct it. Forward motion is progress and sometimes that forward motion is pitching a fit and declaring that there's just no way that all of this can get done right now and, if fact, declaring Bill the Cat to be my spirit animal!! (Pant, pant, sigh, gasp.)

True.

But where's that leave me?

Well, the "good books" and "good movies" challenges are back-burnered right now. With work on the Babylon 5 book heating up already, I found myself overwhelmed and teary at the prospect of doing those things to mark a title off an arbitrary list. I'll get to them, but right now isn't the season for that. I've seen plenty of movies and read plenty of books, but not the ones on "the list" and that's just dandy.

Zone cleaning is sort of in the same boat - it's not a struggle to keep up with my morning and evening routines, but much of anything beyond that is proving to be monumental. I keep the book with the zones out and I read my daily challenge each day and sometimes it gets done and sometimes something else gets done. You know what? The house is still standing and remains in better order than it used to be.

The budgeting challenge hits full-force this month. As I wrote over Labor Day weekend, we had car repair bills that turned into "we can't resurrect her this time," which meant a certain amount of yike! We're mobile again and just fine, but those were not expenses were were prepared for. It's going to be a tough end of the year on that score, no doubt about it, but it'll all work out and hey - we're doing all of this so that soon (on the cosmic scale, anyway), money won't be the issue that it is now. Delayed gratification. Can't say as I like it too much.

Now to report of the 5K challenge, which I've folded into the first-stage-of-wrapping-up "You Gonna Finish That?" Challenge. This was designed to make me hard-core accountable for a number of habits, including diet, exercise, and self-care. (Remember what I said about too many goals?) I used SparkPeople as my diet and exercise tracker which I liked since it had exercise videos and recipes that linked directly to the tracker. I don't like tracking, although I'll admit it's useful to see patterns (I eat too many carbs, for example. Mostly "good" carbs, like whole grains and the carbs found in fruit, but still - that was eye-opening). I made sacrifices in terms of sweets, made sure to drink at least two liters of water per day (yep, I know where every bathroom is throughout my college campus), aimed for hard exercise at least three times a week, and have tried to get more sleep. 

Right at a month in, I can report that, while I still don't like tracking, knowing that I have to do it has made it easier to say "no" to some bad choices. While I'm trying to not give the scale too much authority (I still stink at that, by the way), I'm down four pounds. I've also logged 13 run/walk workouts this month for a total of 31-and-a-touch miles, with 22 of those miles being at a jobble or better. For someone who was staggering around a church parking lot seven months ago, that ain't too shabby! So I'm going to keep this challenge going another month and let's see what we see.

What I really want to add in now is more attention spent on taking better care of me - teaching is not a job that lends itself to being left at the office and researching and writing a book isn't exactly a side job, so my twin goals here are to (a) make the office more pleasant and (b) not be so hard on myself with deadlines that I set and that I know to be ridiculous. I had a small writing project that nearly drove me around the bend that I should have been able to handle with ease, but when added to the several other regular gigs I've got going on (which includes two blogs, a weekly movie show that involves watching and research before the cameras begin rolling, and a regular column over at the pop culture site BiffBamPop), I was perilously close to the non-whimsical version of "crazy." So I reached the conclusion that normal people would've gotten to a long time ago and I'm not taking on more work during this time. Let me keep working on spinning the plates I've already got up on sticks!

Onward!

Moving Into Fall!

As in, actually "moving" into fall - I had my first actual timed 5K earlier this month and I just wanted to do my best. It was a challenging course and remember - my 5K back in April was that super-fun Color Run which was untimed. I was nervous. I'm not exactly sure why - I knew I could finish the course - even if I had to walk it, I'd finish it - but I wanted to do well. Ensley came out to cheer me on, as did a few other friends and I met some friends at the race. I just wanted to not be all the way at the tail end. I had a goal - finish in 40 minutes, which I thought was pretty realistic, given the times I'd been clocking on my shorter morning runs and the number of big ol, honking hills on the course.

Final time? 35:50. (And the crowd goes wild!)

Seriously. That's an average of 11:33 a mile for 3.1 miles. Oh, to many experienced runners, it's a nothing sort of time, but I'm not them and I was thrilled to the gills at that. Even won a third place medal for my age group. (I won't tell you how many people were in my age group, but yeah, it was three.) So, woo-hoo, me! And yes, I've already signed up for my next one, at which I might be chased by banjo players. Such is life in my hometown.

Due to starting on the next book project - go here to read about that - my book and movie challenges are being ignored right now. I hope to get back to them, but to everything there is a season, and right now, 'tis the season to watch and notate.

On the "You Gonna Finish That?" Challenge - I've done very well for three weeks. We took Sunday as an "off" day (my first in that time) and I ate joyously, which meant I totally overloaded on carbs and sweets, so the scale was not my friend after that. Oh, well - I'm starting to see these things differently. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do far more often than I'm not and - over time - that'll matter. It also doesn't help that I overdid it with some yard work over the weekend and haven't run since then. 'Sfunny - I actually miss not running, but I was far too sore to do that to myself. It's better to take a few days off than to stubbornly injure myself and need to take a much longer time off!

So more good than bad to report. I'll check back in at the end of the month. Today's the first day of fall and Ma Nature wasn't fooling around with the change of seasons today. Personally, I love fall - the crisp air, the colors - but it was a bit of a sudden change!

Checking In - August!

It was just about a week ago that I checked in here regarding progress on the 2014 January resolutions, so I'll be brief on those:

Zone Cleaning Challenge - well, I've got my morning and evening routines down, but adding in the weekly zones is still hit & miss for me.  Now that the semester has started and is finding a routine of its own, this comes back to the forefront.
5K Challenge - who would have thought that I'd find out I actually enjoy jobbling? I have my first "real" (as in timed) 5K race this coming Saturday. I'm nervous, since of course I want to do well, but it's an excited kind of nervous. I'll be doing something that I couldn't have done when I first set these challenges and that has to be viewed as progress of the good kind.
"Good Book" Challenge - Just under the wire, I managed to finish Faulkner's Light in August before I ran out of month. I really, really enjoyed this and I found myself wondering what Faulkner's reaction to the events in Ferguson, MO would be if he were still around to talk with us about Southern mythology, class, and race - always race.
"Good Film" Challenge - Saw several good films this month; none were on my list. Well, it doesn't make me a bad person.
Budgeting Challenge - Doing well enough on this that we enjoyed a weekend away for Labor Day. That probably blew the budget (or perhaps the car repairs will - like Moses, our loyal Bonnie Bonneville didn't make it up the mountain to the Promised Land, but unlike Moses, her damage may be fleeting), but it was a sorely-needed trip and I regret nothing!

I think I "over-goaled" here trying to do everything at once, so I cut myself several breaks as I focused on one good habit at a time instead of trying to overhaul so many aspects of my life at once. But now that a few habits have, in fact, become habits, FryDaddy and I agreed it was time to tackle the elephant.

Eating.

See, I like food. I like white-tablecloth restaurants and I like fried chicken eaten on a tailgate. My comfort food is Southern - pimento cheese, Barefoot's homemade mac 'n' cheese, sweet tea, Krispy Kreme, and so on. I've been known to say (to a good friend, not on a job interview), "You gonna finish that?" while gesturing with my fork. I grew up one of those people who was picky enough of an eater that it seemed I could eat whatever I wanted with no problem. Well, like eight-tracks, those days are gone. Yes, I'm a runner, but I'm a baby runner, and I simply don't burn enough calories to eat like that.

Add to that the fact that my job involves a lot of sitting and typing, and the problem begins to emerge.

Add to that the fact that I deal with stress by eating and the problem comes into focus. 

Add to that the fact that I also do a movie show for local cable, and prep work for that involves sitting and researching the films and sitting in a dark theater to watch the films, which for me as a kid, meant treats like buttered popcorn and candy (maybe a Slushie), and I don't need a nutritionist to tell me what's what.

Oh, I've tried all this before; I've even bought the books and the hype. The result is the same - I'll lose five pounds, then reward myself with a Blizzard. So I've roped in FryDaddy this time to help me. Really, it's not a matter of me not knowing what a portion size is or not realizing that fried is less good for me than broiled, it's a matter of putting theory into practice.

I'm trying to be sensible - no cabbage soup, no "only eat tomatoes for three days," or any of that nonsense - and I know that this will take time, but dammit, I don't want it to. Sigh. Patience may be a virtue, but it's not one of my virtues!

Today has been all about getting ready - I'm eating a few things that will shortly be on the "verboten for now" list (Mickey D's really does have the best fries, you know) and I've done a massive grocery run. No kidding, this one's going to be hard, but for the next month, my plan is to limit my refined carbs (no rice or pasta as a side dish with dinner and no stuffed baked potatoes as dinner), no sweets beyond a touch of good dark chocolate or something similar (au revoir, Fuzzy Peach!), and (gulp!) no movie treats. Let them catch me sneaking in grapes and baby carrots. Let's see where I am in a month. I won't lie - the scale has power over me, but so does my wardrobe, and I'm tired of putting something on and offering up a muttered prayer that the button will fasten.

Deep breath. Here goes - and yes, I'm gonna finish that.

Checking In - July!

OK - time to check in.  As regular readers know, at the start of this year, I set five goals for myself, with the intention of making 2014 a true "makeover year" and I post these "check ins" once a month (generally on the very last day of the month or the very first day of the month) to both show how things are going and to keep myself accountable for these goals I set.  And make no mistake, these were some LARGE goals. The road hasn't always been smooth, but looking back, I can see progress, often in some unexpected ways. So - the goals were:

1. Believing that a sense of calm would come from a neater house, I wanted to get organized and stop doing "crisis cleaning" on the weekends. FlyLady had helped me get rid of (maybe literally) a ton of clutter, so I decided to take that system a little deeper and add "zone cleaning."
2. Money's tight, but I wanted to stop using credit cards and live frugally, with the idea of whittling away at the household debt.
3. I decided to watch 24 "good movies" that I really should have already seen, from a variety of genres, ranging from foreign classics to comedies.
4. I wanted to read six "good books" that had slipped by me.
5. I wanted to feel stronger, so I decided to train to participate in a 5K race this year. Thus, the "Dancing Sloth" was born.

Whew! Taken all at once, these goals were intimidating. But I've stuck to it (mostly) and can report the following as we head into the "dog days" of August:

July was interesting, since I was back in the classroom with my summer school classes. They're fun classes (at least I think so) and they went well, but boy howdy! do they take time. (I had two sections to teach, each of which met for three days a week for  just over three hours a session - yike!) Now that FryDaddy is home from graduate school for good, we're working through our "delayed honeymoon" period, which is an occasion for much YAY! but it also means we've been sorting through things that most couples would have sorted out at the beginning of the marriage. One thing I can thoroughly recommend for those in such situations (although I think this might be a good general rule) is to schedule "date time." We've been doing that, but we took it to a new level today and made all of today "date day" and it's been just lovely. We ran on our own schedules, ate out so no one had to cook or clean, saw a matinee (we chose Guardians of the Galaxy, which we loved, but pick whatever suits you), and took advantage of a rainy, unseasonably-cold day to lounge and snooze. It doesn't really matter what you do, it matters that you make time to do it together.

1. As to the housework routines, we're nearly there. I have a few things I do every morning and a few things in the evening to get things ready for the next day, pretty much without fail. I'm working to add just 15 minutes to that on the weekdays, usually just after I get home. I spend those few minutes in the "zone room" for that week, using the FlyLady "daily mission" and zone checklist for that day as a starting point. Hey - the living room windows got cleaned this week, which has to count for something!
2. We're back on the budget horse this month, making a strict budget using the Dave Ramsey system. (Yeah, he shoots his mouth off about the poor and makes some downright dumb statements, but his "debt snowball" system is sound. Take what works, leave the rest.) We'd used it before, but we were running off two budgets, since FryDaddy was at school and I was here. Now we're consolidated, which should make things easier. Fewer meals out, though - that's for sure!
3. The movie challenge -  I marked one off my list in July; the amazing classic Western The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. If you haven't seen this one - even if you're not a fan of Westerns - you owe it to yourself to see it. Incredible performances from Jimmy Stewart and John Wayne and a story that'll just yank you in.
4. The book challenge - well, I picked heavy books for that list and I sort of fell into a crevasse about it. I've been reading (I actually finished five books this month, all nonfiction, ranging from a short series of vignettes about women explorers to a fascinating examination of the origin on modern forensic science), and I'm determined to start Faulkner's Light in August since it's, well, August. Check back in a few weeks to see how I'm doing on that.
5. As for the 5K challenge - I've had surgery to clear my airway (read about that in my previous post) and am back to running. A good thing, since I agreed with a friend - we'll call her "Bawlmer Hon" here at the Nest - to participate in next summer's Ramblin' Rose mini-triathlon. It'll be a hoot getting ready for that, let me tell you!

Huh. Looking back, I'd say it's been a good month. It hasn't always felt like that (surgery, school, chores, uncertainty), which is why these posts matter. There are days that are great, days that are good, and some days that are pretty much meh. The trick is to look at the overall pattern.

And hey - it's still summer!  Go enjoy it!