No Such Thing as Too Much

Here it is, the beginning of October. The weather here in North Carolina has broken from the heat wave we've been having and today has been just lovely - crisp enough to justify that "basic white girl" pumpkin spice coffee this morning, and late Sunday afternoon I actually built a fire in the fire pit while I shoved yard furniture around and fussed over the placement of a few pots of chrysanthemums. Started my seasonal purge of summer clothes, too.

All that has been to help clear my head. Ever since the "Tiara Challenge" finished a few weeks ago, I've been thinking how to move forward on the principles I've been trying to put into action. I'm surprised by how difficult I've found that to do, so let me explain a little.

I went back and re-read my posts for 2017 - it's interesting. In a yoga class early this year, we were asked to choose a word to meditate on; something that we wanted to experience in our life. I chose "delight" and I think this entire year has been about finding personal delight in my everyday life.

I'm finally understanding the value of play, both as a learning tool and as a goal unto itself. Resting, recharging, and valuing my own experiences has an inherent worth that my Puritan ancestors would frown upon. Then again, they routinely died of malnutrition and childhood diseases, so what did they know?

On my next birthday, I reach the half-century mark. I am a bit bewildered by that - most days I feel like I'm in my late twenties, although I know I wasn't as self-aware at that time of my life. It's a big birthday and I expect to do something large for it, although I haven't quite figured out what that is going to be. (Bob Ross painting party, maybe? Human "Hungry, Hungry Hippo"?) Stay tuned!

I've also become more and more convinced that the results of my ongoing self-care efforts have helped me become far more comfortable in my skin. It seems to me that society usually wants women to hush up and take up as little space as possible, especially as we move beyond the peak of our traditional "hotness." Some of that is physical - the current American beauty ideal tends to be thin to the point of being unhealthy. (I long for the days of Lillian Russell!) But we also like our women to be sweet, demure, tasteful, and above all - quiet. Basically, we're often given the message that it's really best for us to be ornamental.

I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I can rock a strand of pearls and a twinset. But I also can work leopard print and a protest sign.

I'm often too much. Too loud, too boisterous, too indignant, too demanding.

The kicker is that, after yearsandyears of fighting that, I like me. And I'm beginning to think that there's no such thing as "too much." Passion, zest, exuberance, sparkle - all of these things are in woefully short supply in a world that often is characterized by rat-racing and workaday cares. We dismiss these other qualities as impractical, childish, and frivolous.

I suspect that's rooted in fear. (I know fear, so I can recognize the landscape.) I mean, what if everyone just went around busting out of proscribed, narrow roles? Chaos, I tell you. Chaos.

Or maybe that's what joy looks like. And I choose joy.

I intend to continue in my current vein and I fervently hope you'll join me. I expect to spend the months leading up to my 50th birthday in preparation for my "year of living outrageously." I want to trade practical flannel for bias-cut satin. I want to wear sharp cat-eye eyeliner and bloodred lipstick. I want to casually explain that I can't make that last-minute meeting because I have a date with my husband to try the tasting menu at the McNinch House. Not for our anniversary; just for a Tuesday. In short, I want to take up room.

I've already started a couple of lists:

EXTRAORDINARY THINGS I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE

(to remind myself that I can do outrageous things):

• I've galloped at breakneck speed on horseback through thick woods
• I've traveled, gotten lost, and managed to get found
• I've hand-fed exotic animals (like a hippo and a giraffe)
• I've stuck my neck out for a cause I believe in
• I've seen Halley's Comet (then rode home belting out the Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun" - thanks, Jill!)
• I've written a novel (two, actually. They're awful, but I've written them)
• I've made a yummy cake totally from scratch
• I've done a pinup photo shoot
• I've seen the Milky Way
• I've ridden an elephant
• I've been a tourist in a Communist country
• I've fallen in love
• I've admitted that my life was out of control and that I needed help
• I've seen things that make me believe in Divine guidance
• I've dyed my hair outrageous colors
• I've published a book (three, actually)
• I've jumped out of a perfectly good airplane from 12,000 feet up
• I've earned by SCUBA certification and dealt with a broken regulator hose. You can scream all the way up as you ascend!

INCREDIBLE THINGS I WANT TO DO

(plans for the next year or so):

• I want to ride in a hot-air balloon
• I want to wear an incredible diamond necklace on date night with my husband
• I want to go skeet shooting
• I want to test drive an exotic car
• I want to gamble at a casino (James Bond style, not video poker style)
• I want to wear a tiara and throw candy to a crowd
• I want to go to a rodeo
• I want to learn to juggle
• I want to take a trapeze or aerial class
• I want to attend a Seder

In short, I want to experience frequent joie de vivre, or to put it in American terms, I want to rock life. I've gotten at least two extra chances and I have no intention of living quietly and leaving this earth without making a mark upon it.

What are YOUR suggestions?

This amazing lady has also been quoted as saying,

"Never be afraid to stop traffic." 

I want to be her when I grow up!