If there's been a theme to this, I think it's been "be kind to yourself." While I didn't start out with a specific message in mind, I have to say - that's not a bad one. The holidays last year were a rats-nest of self-inflicted stress and holly-trimmed hysteria. I wanted things Just So and ignored the realities of teaching full time (the end of the fall semester is beyond crazy) and having a commuter marriage, then felt like a Grinchy failure when I didn't have cards sent out by Dec. 10th. (Or at all, finally.) Not this year, we both swore. And so far, we've done a much better job of enjoying our holidays - yes, yes, they aren't Martha Stewart's or Alexandra Stoddard's and our house will never be mistaken for Biltmore. That was never the point.
We decorated in small spurts instead of a marathon, stuffed our discounted tree (remember my family motto of "Never Pay Retail!") into the car, were entertained by the new kitty exploring the conundrum of outside things being inside, and overall, it's much calmer and more celebratory. Amazing what sitting down with a calendar and saying "no" to some things can accomplish. Oh, there's still work to do - we need to tighten the budget and I need to relax a little more about things not being Just So - but wow! what a difference!
Among the things I've tried during this "30 Days of New" - you can follow the daily posts on Facebook - have been:
- Sampling local foods from the Farm to Front Porch initiative and figuring out how we can be part of this movement to shop local.
- Exploring DIY spa treatments on Pinterest - I even invested in little Mason jars for this one!
- Finally taking the plunge and buying a springform pan so I could bake a "from scratch" cheesecake that was an overwhelming success.
- Discovering that yes, I still don't like scallops, regardless of the recipe.
- Trying other new foods and finding some I really, really liked (the "Crunchy Thai Noodle" appetizer at Joe's, for instance).
- And the biggest one - making time. Time for a cup of tea drunk while sitting in a chair, instead of standing over the sink. Time to go see a community theatre play (hilarious, by the way. Beloved holiday classics ("BHC") in a blender.), time to firmly shut my office door and go take a walk.
To everyone who says, "Well sure - she could do it. She doesn't have to deal with my [fill in the blank of personal obligations here]. I couldn't do that," I say (as lovingly as possible; we're always so hard on ourselves), you're spouting complete and utter hogwash. I have too much to do and too little time to do it. I also have too little money to spend lavishly and freely. If I can scale back my holidays and find daily joy, so help me, so can you! Of course you're valuable to your employer and of course you're important to your family and friends. Of course you take on too much - it's a way we validate ourselves and it's a way we show our love for those around us. But it so very, very easily slips into resentment - and barking "No, you can't help - you'll just do it wrong" is a guaranteed ouch! No wonder people stop offering to help us and we wind up doing absolutely everything at work, at home, and in between, often while sighing deeply and wondering why no one is helping us out.
Let it go. Sure, maybe the sheets won't have sharp hospital corners. Maybe the whites will have a brown sock slip in there (that was me yesterday BTW. Color-safe bleach saved the day.) Maybe the tree will be decorated a little lopsided. Maybe (gasp!) an heirloom dish will get broken.
It'll all be okay. Someone will have helped with the chores to show you that they love you. The tree will be done and gorgeous because it was done with love. And - well, dishes break - even heirloom ones. At least you used them instead of needing to dust them. They're in your house, not a museum.
Go try something new. Do it joyously and with abandon. If it works out, fantastic! If it doesn't (scallops), you tried it with a spirit of adventure.